I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
