i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
