I need to stop coming to work sober
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
