Kiss
Puke
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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