Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
