There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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