I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
