Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
