I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
