The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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