He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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