lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
