On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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