I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
