I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
