Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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