I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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