Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
