I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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