my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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