Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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