my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
