i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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