Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
