you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
