As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
