The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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