I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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