I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
