Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
