Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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