i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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