I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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