i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
