What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
