Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
