But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
