don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
