She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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