I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
