last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
