Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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