Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
