i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
