The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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