i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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