The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
