when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need water and some morals
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
