Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
