Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
