I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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