I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
