I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
